” Given the growing frequency with which zombies appear in movies, TV shows, and your worst nightmares, it’s inevitable the zombie apocalypse will soon be upon us. When it comes to surviving this inevitable showdown with the undead, location is everything. Do you live in a state populated with zealous zombie fighters capable of beating back hordes of brain-hungry walking dead? Estately answered this question with its Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Rankings, which were determined using the 11 metrics below that measure fighting ability, knowledge of zombies, physical fitness, and access to weapons…
Active Military Personnel: States with more soldiers per capita means states with more people who are physically fit, trained to fight, and have access to weapons (source).
Military Veterans: Percentage of veterans per capita is a solid way of measuring fighting experience (source).
Physically Active: States with residents who rarely get out of their Laz-E-Boy will not escape the zombie menace (source).
Martial Arts Enthusiasts: Hand-to-hand combat is an important skill when the ammo runs out (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “martial arts” as an interest).
People with Survival Skills: In the long run, knowing how to survive without modern conveniences in a collapsed society will be critical (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “survival skills” as an interest).
People with Knowledge of Zombies: To know your enemy you must know their ways (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “zombies, Resident Evil, Zombieland, and The Walking Dead” as interests).
Laser Tag Enthusiasts: Yes, laser tag. Few things prepare you for a zombie attack in enclosed space (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “laser tag” as an interest).
People with Guns: Shooting a zombie in the head is really the best way to defeat a zombie, and to do that you need a gun (source).
Obesity: The obesity epidemic will yield to the zombie epidemic because the obese will struggle with running away from zombies. It’s really very simple (source).
Paintball Enthusiasts: Those who can slink around the woods unnoticed while splattering their enemies with paint will find success shooting zombies in nature (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “paintball” as an interest).
Triathletes: When everything breaks down, running, swimming, and bicycling will be ideal ways to escape zombies (source—percentage of Facebook users who listed “Ironman triathlon” as an interest).
Below is a complete ranking of the 50 states based on zombie apocalypse preparedness. Those at the top are the most likely to survive and those at the bottom are the least likely to. Scores are per capita rankings for each category.”
Despite being physically fit, residents of Massachusetts are almost completely lacking in knowledge of zombies. Ignorance is not bliss, it’s very costly in a zombie apocalypse.
The Tennessee Zombie Response Unit has its work cut out for it because the rest of state is ill prepared to battle the undead. Tennesseans should abandon their company softball teams and form paintball teams instead.
For Louisiana, the downside of letting the good times roll is it makes it very difficult outrun the living dead. Lack of physical fitness and limited knowledge of zombies dooms the great state of Louisiana… once it runs out of ammunition.
Here’s a plan—Alabama confronts its obesity by training for the Alabama Biathalon. It’s a variation of the winter sport, but instead of cross-country skiing you just run around the woods with a gun shooting at everything. It’s like hunting season, but you can’t bring a 24-pack of beer.
Residents of Connecticut should either begin playing laser tag or start seasoning themselves because if the zombie apocalypse started today they’d get eaten up as appetizers.
Even though The Walking Dead is set in Georgia, residents there have little interest in zombies. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, the undead will discover Georgia brains are as sweet as Georgia peaches.
If there were New York travel brochure for zombies it would tout the state’s lack of veterans, limited enthusiasm for survival skills, and scarcity of firearms.
49th—DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
Our nation’s capital has almost no knowledge of zombies, martial arts, or firearm ownership. It’s going to be an all-you-can-eat brain buffet for the zombies.
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-Die. Everybody is going to die. From zombies.
If the zombie apocalypse began today, and you live in New Jersey, the odds are 100% that you’ve already been bitten and have become a zombie, unless you took a course from New Jersey’s own Zombie Survival Course. It’s real, and it could definitely save your life… even though they criticized our article (video proof).
Check out these articles about our zombie list…
CNET: When the zombie apocalypse hits, pray you’re in Alaska
Wall Street Journal: If a Zombie Epidemic Hits, New Jersey Is Screwed (Map)“