” The ship is the first of its kind in the U.S. Navy and is a standing legacy to President Barack Obama for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while President.
The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminium and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.
As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.
The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, ***, and ****** orientation.
The crew is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of America at all costs!
An on – board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the U.S. Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.
The ship’s purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defence, but instead in times of conflict, the USS Barack Obama has orders to seek refuge in the military free zone of San Francisco Bay.
The ship may be positioned near the Democrat Party Headquarters for photo – ops.
The Obamas are said to be very proud.”