Category: Humor


We’re Gonna Need A Longer Motorcade…

 

 

 

 

 

” The broker America gets, the longer its presidential motorcade gets. If you don’t got it, flaunt it, baby! But President-in-Waiting Hillary Rodham Clinton is already giving out signals that a mere 40-car motorcade may no longer be enough. This week she gave a speech in Saskatoon, which is a town in Saskatchewan, which is a province of Canada. The speech was for the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, which is “under investigation from the United States for helping wealthy Americans offshore money in the bank’s Caribbean accounts to avoid paying federal taxes”. I’m on CIBC’s side on that one: By comparison with other western nations, Americans labor under a regime of ever tighter banking constraints that are a disgrace to a supposedly free people.

  So if she wants to cozy up to foreign banksters (as they say in Britain), you go, girl! Nevertheless:

  Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gave a couple paid speeches in Canada yesterday. She was reportedly accompanied by 65 agents of the United States Secret Service to at least one of the events.

  The agents were presumably on hand to help keep the former first lady safe…

  It’s unclear what part, if any, of the security tab was picked up by Clinton — and what part was paid for by U.S. taxpayers. “

 

Read it all 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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These People Should Have Looked At Their Photos Before Posting Them Online

 

 

Just be glad it's the tree and not you.

 

 

” When you take a picture of yourself to share with the world, there are several important factors you must be aware of. You have to frame the image properly to include yourself in the picture. You have to make sure the flash is either on or off. Most importantly. you absolutely must make sure there isn’t anything embarrassing going on in the background for everyone to see. Otherwise, you might end up like these people. “

 

 

Poop pic!

 

 

    A word to the wise: don’t do your selfies on the “john” … LOL

 

 

    Viral Nova has more of these hilariously unedited photos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“NFL 2015″ — A Bad Lip Reading Of The NFL

 

 

 

 

Published on Jan 22, 2015

” “…and then you invented dirt lumps.” More of what COULD have been said in the NFL.
Like on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/badlipreading
Follow on Twitter! http://twitter.com/badlipreading “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NewsBusted 1.20.15

Jodi Miller Presents The Lighter Side Of The News

 

 

 

 

Published on Jan 19, 2015

” TOPICS:
– President Obama
– Paris Unity March
– John Kerry
– James Taylor
– Josh Earnest
– U.S. Capitol
– Plot to Poison Boehner
– Gitmo
– Boston Time Capsule
– Obama Marriage on the Rocks

Love NewsBusted and want to receive alerts about new episodes in your
email? Visit http://newsbusters.org/newsbusted to sign up for free!

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted Cruz Wins SOTU Postgame With ‘More Cowbell! More Cowbell!’

 

 

 

 

” Megyn Kelly asked Sen. Ted Cruz if he thinks President Obama was setting the stage for the next presidential candidate.

“ Oh, I think he was trying to and he hopes that the next candidate engages in the same far-left policies. This is a man of the left,” Cruz said.

“ You know, it reminds me of the classic Saturday Night Live skit with Christopher Walken, where there’s a band playing and his solution to every problem is ‘More cowbell! More cowbell!’” Cruz said. “For President Obama ‘More cowbell’ is ‘More taxes! More government!More taxes! More government!’” “

 

 

 

 

 

 

” Kelly laughed and said, “The audience knows!” She said the focus group in the studio “is familiar with the skit.” The camera cut to the laughing audience.

“ It’s the same failed policies that don’t work and we ought to come together. Economic growth is a bipartisan objective and I think Congress needs to lead,” Cruz continued.”

 

PJ Tatler

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Donna Douglas, Actress – RIP

 

 

 

 

 

 

” Donna Douglas, the actress, who has died aged 82, was best known for playing Elly May Clampett, the buxom backwoods tomboy in spray-on jeans, in the 1960s American sitcom The Beverly Hillbillies.

  In Donna Douglas’s subsequent career critics always measured her performances against the role, for which she won two Golden Globes. Yet she never minded being typecast, partly because her own life had been very similar to that of her television character. “Elly May was like a slice out of my life,” she said.

  She was born Doris Smith on September 26 1933 at East Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where her family had lived for more than three generations. Her father worked at a local oil refinery while her mother was a former telephone operator. She attended the local Roman Catholic high school where she excelled at sport.

  Aged 16 she married Roland Bourgeois, a car parts salesman – although, as she later recalled, “all we had in common really was playing baseball and basketball”. They were divorced soon after the birth of a son in 1954.

  Three years later she won a “Miss New Orleans” beauty contest, which she had entered under the name Donna Douglas. Encouraged by this success she moved to New York, where her blonde good looks won her immediate work in a toothpaste commercial. By the early 1960s she was appearing in nationally-broadcast television variety spectaculars and taking small parts in series such as Whirlybirds, Dr Kildare and Route 66. She also had a part in Career, a film starring Dean Martin and Shirley MacLaine, and in 1966 was the female lead in the Elvis Presley vehicle, Frankie and Johnny.”

 

The Telegraph has more 

 

 

    We regret to inform our readers that we are waaay behind the curve on this one since Ms Douglas passed on New Year’s day , a fact which was fittingly reported by various other news sources . That being said , we felt that we must do a post on the passing of another star from one of our favorite television series .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Judenrein Europe

 

 

 

 

” Had they not died as part of the Charlie Hebdo killers’ final act, I wonder how much publicity the murders of Philippe Braham, Yohan Cohen, Yoav Hattab, and François-Michel Saada at a kosher grocery store would have attracted. An Islamic fanatic killed another quartet of Jews at the Jewish Museum in Brussels last spring, and it was a big story for a couple of days, and then faded away. Over the last decade, the Continent seems to have developed a certain psychological ease with the routine murder of Jews. What remains of Jewish communal life in Europe now takes place behind reinforced doors and barbed wire, and the actual extinction of an entire identity group’s presence is discussed as calmly as the long-range weather. Forty-five per cent of British Jews say Jews have no future in Britain, and 58 per cent says Jews have no future in Europe.

  European leaders like M Hollande insist they’re able to protect the Jewish community – or at least hold the remorseless picking-off of their members to manageable levels. The leader of the continent’s biggest Jewish group is disinclined to take such assurances:

 

  In a letter sent to interior ministries around Europe and obtained by Newsweek, Rabbi Menachem Margolin, director general of the Rabbinical Centre of Europe (RCE) and the European Jewish Association (EJA) – the largest federation of Jewish organizations and communities in Europe – writes: “We hereby ask that gun licensing laws are reviewed with immediate effect to allow designated people in the Jewish communities and institutions to own weapons for the essential protection of their communities, as well as receiving the necessary training to protect their members from potential terror attacks.”

 

  The Jews are always the canaries in the coal mine, so they won’t be the last in Europe to discover that, when it matters, the state isn’t there for you. There is a memorable moment in Michel Houellebecq’s new novel Soumission, released the day of the Charlie Hebdo slaughter, in which the protagonist’s Jewish girlfriend Myriam decides it’s time to get the hell out of France and flee to Israel. And François says bleakly, “There is no Israel for me.” “

 

 

   Lacking the balls to do it themselves , the countries of Europe are subcontracting their latest attempts at the “Final Solution” to their Muslim immigrant citizens . Oh those “enlightened” Europeans … you cannot publish an image of the “prophet” Mohammad , but you can kill Jews with impunity … That’s certainly “progressive” …

As usual , read it all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From Majic 95.5

 

 

 

 

 

 

” Here’s a little something adorable to brighten your day! Feel free to share with someone who needs a smile today! “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jodi Miller With The Funny Side Of The News

 

 

 

 

Published on Jan 12, 2015

” TOPICS:
– President Obama
– Afghanistan
– Raul Castro
– Supreme Court
– Obamacare
– CNN and Wolf Blitzer
– CDC and Flu Epidemic
– Skunks in Granite Bay, CA
– FCC
– Cher

Love NewsBusted and want to receive alerts about new episodes in your
email? Visit http://newsbusters.org/newsbusted to sign up for free!

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March Of The Parisiens

 

 

 

” World leaders march in solidarity with France at a rally for free expression following the Charlie Hebdo attack, but U.S. representatives are curiously absent. (7:07)  “

     Jon Stewart skewers the Obama administration for it’s complete absence at the massive rallies in Paris following the Charlie Hebdo “workplace violence” attacks . There is nearly five minutes of shots at the French and their culture prior to the comedian getting around to Obama’s empty chair appearance so if that is your main interest skip to about 4:45 to see Stewart’s caustic response .

35 People Who Ruined These Statues In The Best Way Possible

 

 

 

” Where you see a statue, they see an opportunity for hilarity.”

 

 

Here’s another sample to start your day …

 

 

 

 

See the other 33 photos here and start your day with a smile …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rhianna The Rhino Escapes From Tel Aviv Zoo – Rhinos Escape While Zookeeper Sleeps

 

 

 

Published on Jan 7, 2015

” Raw CCTV Video: Security Guard Chases Rihanna The Rhino And Friends After They Escape From Ramat Gan Safari Park, Israel – Rhianna the Rhino Escapes From Tel Aviv Zoo – Rhinos Escape While Zookeeper Sleeps  

  This video footage shows the moment a young female rhinoceros named Rihanna led two pals on an escape bid from a safari park after spotting the security guard had fallen asleep.

  The footage shows the rhinos escaping from the front entrance of the Ramat Gan Safari Park in the city of Ramat Gan in the Tel Aviv district of western Israel after a security guard nodded off to sleep and failed to notice until too late what was happening.

  Although another employee of the park gave chase, it was too late to stop the white rhinos from hitting the road.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These Are the Most Amazing Le Mans Race Cars of the Year

(One Is A Freaking Backhoe)

 

 

 

 

 

 

” The 2014 season of the 24 Hours of LeMons was the best one yet, with 20 races all over the country, the world-record largest endurance road race in history (the Guinness folks just declared it as the official record holder), floods, ice, pitch darkness, and—of course—the greatest crop of new-to-the-series race cars we could ever hope to see. 2013 had some great machinery, as did 2012 and 2011, but nothing like what we saw during the last 12 months. Here we go, the new cars (or cars modified so heavily that they might as well have been new) from the 2014 season!”

 

 

CMP - Truckster 2

 

 

” You can’t go wrong with British sports cars in LeMonseverybody knows that—and so it was something of a mystery that we saw zero Jensen-Healeys during the first eight years of the series. You can get an ugly example for cheap and the “Torqueless Wonder” Lotus 907 engine seems well-suited for screaming around a road course, so we knew it was just a matter of time before some team took the plunge. That team was Bangers N Mash, which showed up to the Return of the LeMonites race at Miller Motorsports Park in Utah with this car.”

 

 

NJMP1 - Super Grover 2

 

 

   Car & Driver has a comprehensive review of the past year’s action along with dozens of photos documenting the amazingly creative racing machines that appeared nationwide throughout the course of the year .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#JeSuisCharlie – But You’re Not

 

 

 

 

 

” So much for national unity:

  Just a day after the Charlie Hebdo shooting left 12 dead and had politicians calling for the country to unite, a row between politicians broke out after the National Front were not invited to take part in Sunday’s rally for “national unity” in Paris.

  In the most recent national election in France, Marine Le Pen’s National Front won. So the national unity rally excludes the most popular national party. That seems likely to work.

  ~The French establishment is co-opting these brave men’s deaths for their own purposes, and for the most part the world’s media are helping them get away with it. I spent much of Thursday on TV and radio, and my irritation with the dismal #JeSuisCharlie campaign increased as the day wore on. The self-flattering evasiveness of all those cartoonists around the world offering lame variations of “the pen is mightier than the sword” was especially feeble. The cartoon at right, by Chimulus (Michel Faizant) of Le Nouvel Observateur, at least confronts the ugly truth of Wednesday morning, rather than tippy-toeing around it:

Mohammed publishes a comic strip on the death of Charb.

With plenty of boxes.

  The only problem? Chimulus drew that two years ago – December 31st 2012. This week, when his remarkably prescient cartoon came true, his courage deserted him.

  ~As to those TV and radio appearances, first up was with Joyce Kaufman at 850 WFTL in Florida, which you can hear by clicking here. It was a lively ride: as Scaramouche says, “Made my day.” “

 

 

   Read it all and treat yourself to a second helping of Mr Steyn’s blistering attacks on Western hypocrisy  , the opening of which is here:

 

 

” The French authorities killed three murderous savages yesterday. That was the only good news on a day in which a third hostage siege began in Montpellier. The bad news started at the top, with President Hollande’s statement after the Charlie Hebdo slaughter and the Kosher grocery siege:

Those who committed these acts have nothing to do with the Muslim religion.

  Yeah, right. I would use my standard line on these occasions – “Allahu Akbar” is Arabic for “Nothing to see here” – but it’s not quite as funny when the streets are full of cowards, phonies and opportunists waving candles and pencils and chanting “Je suis Charlie.” Because if you really were Charlie, if you really were one of the 17 Frenchmen and women slaughtered in the name of Allah in little more than 48 hours, you’d utterly despise a man who could stand up in public and utter those words.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Funny Side Of The News As Presented By Jodi Miller

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published on Jan 5, 2015

” TOPICS:

– Obama Back From Vacation
– Obama’s Fourth Quarter
– Harry Reid Injured
– Cuba’s Raul Castro
– Sony Hack Scandal
– North Korea
– Al Sharpton
– Iran’s Supreme Leader
– Black James Bond?

Love NewsBusted and want to receive alerts about new episodes in your
email? Visit http://newsbusters.org/newsbusted to sign up for free!

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People Are Loving This Guy’s “Jaws” Baby Bed

 

AAARGH.

 

 

 

” This is the work of 43-year-old Joseph Reginella, a sculptor for set shops in New York City and New Jersey.

  He says:

 

  I was inspired to make the bed when I was working at Themendous, a sculpture studio I work at. We made a airplane bed I thought it would be funny if someone ordered a terrifying bed instead of something cute or mainstream. Then my buddy told me he and his wife were having a boy. So I thought, “I have to make this.” 

 

  He also has the awesome Toxic Teddies toy line. “

 

 

More at Buzzfeed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Pull A Tooth With A Golf Club, Golf Ball And Dental Floss

 

 

 

 

Published on Dec 30, 2014

” My 7 year old wanted to pull his tooth but was concerned it would be to painful to pull SLOWLY. So we did it QUICKLY and in his words with no pain, just a little fear.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18 Coloring Books Twistedly Turned Funny By Naughty Adults

 

 

 

 

” Leave it to adults to take the innocence out of coloring books.”

 

 

 

Here’s one more …

 

 

 

 

See the rest here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did Play-Doh’s Penis-Shaped Toy ‘Ruin’ Christmas For Families Everywhere?

 

 

 

 

 

” Outraged parents didn’t gain much traction back in November when they began complaining that the extruder for Play-Doh’s Cake Mountain toy looked too much like a penis. Hasbro, the company behind Play-Doh, took no steps to respond, other than to offer complaining parents replacement parts.

  However, Play-Doh’s efforts to do damage control after Christmas may result in unintended publicity for the dildo-shaped toy. Play Doh is deleting Facebook posts on its site displaying the extruder, which of course only highlights the “problem.”

Uproxx has more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ATM Theft Backfires As Explosion Knocks Down Robber

 

 

 

 

 

” Police in Australia have released CCTV footage in search of a man who tried to rob an ATM by blowing it up.

  The man planted explosives on a cash machine in the city of Darwin, however, his plan went wrong when he was knocked off his feet by the blast.

  The ATM was left in a mangled mess, but all the cash remained safely inside. Police are linking the botched raid with a similar incident on Christmas Eve.”

 

Thanks to BBC News

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SNL – Asian-American Doll

 

 

 

 

    Saturday Night Live offers the “Asian-American” doll for the girl on your gift list . She has no name , no country of origin and no academic abilities whatsoever … She’s a legal blank slate , as the focus groups demanded … PC to the nth degree … LOL

Demolition Fail In Crimea

 

 

 

Published on Dec 26, 2014

” A controlled explosion to demolish an illegally built 10 storey high building in Sevastopol fails, leaving the building leaning on its side and crowds gathered laughing.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alone For Christmas

 

 

 

 

” Il Foglio is my favorite Italian newspaper, and I especially like the way this editorial starts:

  Diceva il polemista canadese Mark Steyn che la nostra visione della globalizzazione si fonda su un equivoco. Non si tratta di essere contenti perché i monaci tibetani finalmente usano internet, piuttosto: “L’esempio di maggior successo della globalizzazione non sono Starbucks o McDonald’s, ma il wahabismo, un’oscura variante dell’islam praticata da pochi estremisti beduini che adesso la petrolricchezza saudita ha esportato in ogni angolo della terra – Waziristan, Indonesia, Caucaso, i Balcani, Amsterdam, Stoccolma, Toronto, Portland, Dearborn e Falls Church”.

  That’s something I said in an interview with them many years ago, paraphrasing a line from America Alone:

  When you look at it that way, the biggest globalization success story of recent years is not McDonald’s or Microsoft but Islamism: the Saudis took what was not so long ago a severe but peripheral strain of Islam practiced by Bedouins in the middle of a desert miles from anywhere and successfully exported it to Jakarta and Singapore and Alma Ata and Grozny and Sarajevo and Lyons and Bergen and Manchester and Ottawa and Dearborn and Falls Church…

  It’s some years now since America Alone came out (although, if you’re in need of a belated Christmas gift, personally autographed copies are exclusively available from the SteynOnline bookstore). But its thesis is more timely with every passing day. And in yet another holiday season where, from Australia to France to Canada, families who’d never given a thought to Islam have had to come to terms with empty seats round the Christmas table, it is a poor consolation to a dimestore Cassandra to find my supposedly “alarmist” book cited with reference to recent events. Here is Vincent Cooper, in The Commentator, on the ability of the Sydney sheikh and his ilk to wage war against the west from within:

  On the first anniversary of the July 7th London Tube bombings, the Times of London commissioned a poll of British Muslims. Here are the findings:

* 16 percent say that while the Tube bombings may have been wrong, the cause was right.

* 13 percent think that the four men who carried out the bombings should be regarded as martyrs.

* 7 percent agree that suicide attacks on civilians in the UK can be justified in some circumstances, rising to 16 percent for a military target.

  As the Canadian journalist Mark Steyn points out: “There are, officially, one million Muslims in London, half of them under twenty-five. If 7 percent think suicide attacks on civilians are justified, that’s 70,000 potential supporters in Britain’s capital city.” (Mark Steyn, America Alone) “

 

 

Read it all here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BBC Reporter Gets High Trying To Complete His Report

 

 

 

” Quentin Sommerville, the corporation’s Middle East correspondent, posted a link to the video on his YouTube page today as a ‘Christmas present’ to his Twitter followers. The video, which he called ‘Don’t inhale’, shows the reporter stood next to a huge pile of heroin, opium and hashish, but as he tries to begin his report he can’t help but giggle. “

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