Category: Humor


 

Boy Starts Poking A Girl With A Pencil In Sunday School . What She Did Next Shocked Everyone , Including The Teacher

 

 

 

” Little April was never best student in Sunday school. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, who sat in the chair behind her, took a pencil and poked her in the rear.

“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our savior?,” but again April didn’t stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and poked her with his pencil again.

“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April.

“very well done” said the teacher.

Then after she fell asleep again the teacher asked April a third question: “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pencil.

This time April jumped up and shouted, “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR A**” the teacher fainted. “

 

From JustMadeMeLaugh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About these ads

Calico Crisis Presents All You Need To Know About Women , Men And Dating And Marriage

 

 

 

   Get a life lesson from this man who has used his 46 years on this earth to develop this ultimate “wife hack” … LOL … and be sure to stay with it to the very end ladies as the instructor parses the men for you as well .

Progressive Christmas Carols

 

 

 

This video hits the PC nail on the head .

Published on Dec 9, 2014

” GET THIS SONG ON ITUNES http://bit.ly/progressivesanta

——————–STALK ME——————–
Twitter: http://twitter.com/joncozart
Instagram: http://instagram.com/cozart
Facebook: https://facebook.com/paint.joncozart
https://www.youtube.com/paintchips

Send me a postcard or something :]
PO Box 49389
Austin, TX 78765

LYRICS

God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
We wish you happy holidays, whoever you may be
So merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, or heck all three
We’ve modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie
Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team

Santa Clause is Coming to Town
You better not judge, you better not hate
Better not bully or discriminate
Progressive Santa’s coming to town
He’s making a list of gluten free foods
He won’t take a peek at J-Law’s nudes
Progressive Santa’s coming to town
He’s 50 different races
And all for tax reform
He’ll protect all your children
Well, as long as they’ve been born

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
Had an advantageous nose (he outlived his friends)
He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)
Darwin said that’s how it goes (evolution’s not a theory)

Mary Did You Know
Mary did you know that your baby boy supports the NRA
Mary did you know that your baby boy is white

Deck the Halls
Deck the halls with kujichagulia
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Give zawadi, hang benderas
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Throw your hands up in the air-uh
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
You’re a green one, Mr. Grinch
You’re lacking in finesse
That greenish epidermis determines your success
Mr. Grinch
Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress
You’re an outlier, Mr. Grinch
You give the Whos a fright
They say your heart is 3/5ths normal,
You’re either wrong or white
Mr. Grinch
Don’t walk the streets of Whoville you might fight a cop the Whos will not indict

White Christmas
I’m dreaming of a racially ambiguous holiday

Away In A Manger
Away in a manger with Jesus and crew
His schmeckle got cut cause hey Christ was a Jew

O Holy Night
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Jesus did something holy
Joseph watched golf, his leather chair reclining
As Mary birthed a child, I think a donkey was involved
Three wise men came, with GPS they found him
Christ lied in a barn, as his omniscient baby-daddy looked down
Jesus crawled on his knees
His mom shared it on snapchat
O bright device!
O night, when Christ celebrated Christmas “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Kim’s World. We Just Live in It.

 

 

 

 

 

 

” Speaking of North Korea, we were subject to a denial-of-service attack yesterday. But from Iran. Who says there’s no axis of evil?

  At any rate, if you experienced difficulties with our home page and various other corners of the site, we apologize for the inconvenience. I’m happy to say, as we hit those last-minute Christmas shopping days, that the retail end of the SteynOnline cornucopia withstood the assault and remained open for Yuletide business. But there’s gonna be a lot more of this in the years ahead. And whether the Internet as we know it will survive is an open question.

  ~I’ve spent much of the last couple of days on the radio with some of my favorite interviewers. You can hear how my take on the Sony/Kim Jong-Un showdown developed as the scale of Hollywood’s capitulation became clear. Let’s start with Toronto’s Number One morning man, John Oakley. John and I also discussed the other big stories of the week – the jihadist-waiting-to-happen in Sydney and the slaughter of innocents in a Peshawar schoolhouse, Click below to listen: ” (see above)

  As I said to John, a movie about assassinating Kim Jong-Un is an example of Hollywood’s exquisitely calibrated “edginess”: They would have never greenlighted the same kind of schlocko comedy about anything involving a certain word beginning with “I” and ending with “-slam” because that can be deleterious to one’s life expectancy. But Kim was supposed to be the comedy dictator – the one it was safe to make jokes about. Now, as Scaramouche says, expect “a lot more faux-edgy lampooning of safe targets (ones who won’t fight back via the hacking of computers or heads) a la The Book of Mormon“. “

 

Read it all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

42 Of The Most Hilarious Gravestones Of All Time

You’ll Die Laughing

 

Uncle Walter led his life the way he pleased …

 

 

 

 

 

And this man sure knew what he liked … women and horses …

 

Who said cemeteries are no fun … check out the other humorous parting words here .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Megyn Kelly On Jimmy Kimmel 12.17.14

 

 

 

Freshpet Holiday Feast – 13 Dogs And 1 Cat Eating Christmas Dinner

 

 

 

    We all love our dogs , some more than others , and this video shows that love taken to a Christmas extreme … bon appetit

Published on Dec 15, 2014

” http://freshpet.com
  Everyone! We would LOVE to see your pets and will be giving out some special prizes! If your pet has what it takes, feel free to post a photo or video of them eating with hands and use the hashtag #FreshpetFeast

  Watch the Behind the Scenes video here to see how we did it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guBWY…

  We are on a mission – to bring the power of fresh, real food to dogs and cats. And we’re committed to doing so in ways that are good for our pets, for people and for the planet.

  At Freshpet, our dogs and cats aren’t just our pets. They’re part of the family. And as our families choose to eat fresh, less-processed foods, we thought it made sense that our pets should too. That’s why we made Freshpet. Freshpet isn’t found on the shelf like every other pet food. You’ll only find it in the Freshpet fridge. Just fresh meats and fresh veggies, and no preservatives.

Connect with us!
https://www.facebook.com/Freshpet
https://twitter.com/Freshpet
https://www.youtube.com/user/freshpet400

  Special thanks to the Humane Society of Utah for their participation in this video. Many of the dogs in the video are available for adoption!

Video created by: http://shareability.com/ “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jodi Miller Brings Us The Lighter Side Of The News

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published on Dec 15, 2014

” TOPICS:
– House Speaker John Boehner
– Jonathan Gruber
– Al Sharpton
– Prince William
– Senior al-Qaeda Killed
– Hillary Clinton
– President Obama’s Export Council
– Gitmo Prisoners Tortured?

Love NewsBusted and want to receive alerts about new episodes in your
email? Visit http://newsbusters.org/newsbusted to sign up for free!

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arkansas Badonkadonk

 

 

    Earlier this month we highlighted a video that was produced by the Stand With Hillary Super PAC to support the “inevitable” campaign , it is her turn after all , of Ms Hillary Clinton for president . There was much to do on both sides of the aisle about the video , most of which commented on the fact that said video was unintended parody . This current video , by the esteemed Remy is real , intentional parody . Brought to you , as always , by ReasonTV we hope you enjoy it as much as we did .

   Below are the lyrics so you can follow along …

” LYRICS:
Just like the last time around
Republicans are gonna frown
Mitt Romney and Ben Carson now?
Like Twitter stock you’re going down

You’d that you were riding in
Billy Joel’s car I swear
because you’re gonna see
shattered glass everywhere

I’m talking Arkansas Badonkadonk..
Perfect voting record make you wanna vote along
Gonna bring along ol’ Bill Clinton
and ooh-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma

You think she’s gonna lose
in the early primaries?
You’d sooner see Al Sharpton
promptly filing quarterlies

Somehow I’m a crusader
Can label you a hater
While I say “nominate
anybody with a baby-maker” “

 

 

ReasonTV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing Succeeds Like Liberal Secession: Blue America Without Red America Would Be A Basket Case

 

 

 

” The July 4, 2019, ceremony marking the final dissolution of the United States of America was quite amicable compared to the anger and bitterness of the preceding five years. The 2014 election results created a map clearly defining “Red America” and “Blue America,” and it sparked a debate, unlike any in the last 150 years, over whether the United States should remain united. For many in the leftist coastal states – their progressivism constrained by the overwhelming Congressional advantage of the conservative interior states – the answer was, “No.”

  As liberal thought leader Michael Tomasky wrote of the South, “Practically the whole region has rejected nearly everything that’s good about this country and has become just one big nuclear waste site of choleric, and extremely racialized, resentment…. Forget about the whole fetid place. Write it off. Let the GOP have it and run it and turn it into Free-Market Jesus Paradise. The Democrats don’t need it anyway.”

  Soon, it became an article of faith within the liberal elite that it was not only their party that did not need the rest of America. Blue America itself, they argued, did not need Red America, economically, intellectually or morally. It was not long until newly-elected Governor De Blasio of New York demanded a national convention to discuss a parting of the ways. The President, her health poor and her heart firmly with the Blue America, half-heartedly tried to stop the movement, but more and more high profile Democrat politicians joined the chorus. The President yielded and called for a “national conversation on the way forward as separate nations.” Red America, furious at her continuation of Barack Obama’s rule by decree and interference in its affairs, agreed to attend.

  Two years later, President De Blasio, elected leader of the Democratic States of North America, and President Abbott of the Republic of America, stood together on the platform on the border at St. Louis to sign the Dissolution Pact. The countries split the national debt and apportioned federal assets, while agreeing to temporarily share the currency. They divided the military (along with all nuclear capabilities), but signed a mutual defense agreement. There would be free travel between and through the new nations. “We will remain good neighbors,” President De Blasio remarked, “Even if we are no longer brothers, sisters, or differently-gendered siblings.” President Abbott politely maintained a poker face.

  Of course, back home in the Blue America’s capital, New York City, President De Blasio was less charitable. “We are no longer held back by the reactionary, racist policies of the past,” he thundered. “Together, we will build a new dawn of progress that places people before profits and promotes peace instead of perpetual war!” Blue America – New England and the mid-Atlantic seaboard, back through Ohio, Indiana and Illinois, the West Coast and Hawaii, immediately set to drafting a new constitution. It featured 216 new affirmative rights, including “the right to a living wage,” “the right to abortion upon demand at government expense,” and “the right to define one’s own life experience in terms of race and gender.” Embarrassingly, the rights to free speech and the free exercise of religion did not make the leaked initial draft; they were hastily added, but there was no right to keep and bear arms. In fact, the first law the new People’s Assembly passed was to confiscate all privately-owned weapons. The second was to legalize all illegal aliens, and the third to triple welfare payments.

  Red America reaffirmed the United States Constitution. Then the Congress began a review of all existing laws, statutes and regulations, repealing thousands of them. It also limited social spending dramatically, making known the expectation that able-bodied adults would support themselves and their families. The resulting non-military federal government in Red America was about one quarter the size of Blue America’s.

  The world was unsure how to deal with the new reality. The international elite and its lapdog media quickly took to portraying Red America with the same kind of venom as Blue American liberals. President De Blasio was taped at a private confab at the United Nations – which remained in New York – telling the foreigners that Blue America, “feels a greater kinship to our progressive friends in Europe than those redneck, racist, Jesus freaks next door.”

  Red America stopped paying its UN dues and sent John Bolton to be its ambassador. After Israel, Red America became the most investigated and censured of any UN member state.

  Blue America had little use for the military it inherited. Though the Pact had stipulated that both new nations would maintain a certain level of combat readiness, in Blue America the services were first in line to be cut. Forced to meet America’s defense needs alone, Red America slashed non-military spending and instituted two years of mandatory military service for every citizen as the only way to meet the need for manpower.

  Many left Red America, some to avoid the draft and a larger number to collect the enhanced welfare benefits Blue America was giving away. Yet, many more came in from Blue America. By casting off useless regulations and cutting taxes (Blue America’s “Fair Share Act” increased the top income tax rate to 74.5% on earnings over $250,000), Red America unleashed a whirlwind of economic activity. Red America, already prosperous, grew even richer.

  Fracking was outlawed in Blue America; Red America became the world’s number one petroleum exporter. Blue America laws banning nuclear and coal power led to the “Kentucky Line” of coal plants running parallel the state’s northern border with Blue Ohio, selling Blue America the power it refused to generate itself. The ban on GMO crops and many pesticides cratered Blue American food production, a void Red American farmers were happy to fill. All the while, Denver, Dallas, Atlanta and other cities grew their own tech and entertainment industries built on refugees from Silicon Valley and Hollywood looking for an environment where success was not penalized. Red America began to supply itself with what Blue America used to provide.

  Blue America’s deficit exploded even as Red America balanced its budget, per the one new amendment it had added to the Constitution. But Red America’s budget was strained when the nation had to send its military to support Israel after the Jewish state came under massive attack for destroying Iran’s nuclear weapons program. Blue America not only refused to assist, but refused to let Red forces use its bases or ports. The rumors that Red American pilots in B-2 bombers and F-22 fighters flew many of the original anti-nuke missions over Iran alongside the Israeli Air Force were never confirmed.

  With its economy slowing to a standstill, and riots erupting in Chicago and Philadelphia, the liberal ruling elite found itself a convenient scapegoat for Blue America’s woes – its neighbor. “Red plants pollute our skies, Red corporations exploit the land, and Red bankers steal our wealth!” Vice President Warren charged. “We need to fight back against the Red wreckers!”

  The middle class and job creators were abandoning Blue America for opportunities in Red America, and they were taking their money with them. Hundreds of billions of dollars flowed out of Blue America into its neighbor. Frustrated by Red America’s refusal to provide banking information on these “tax cheats” – or to allow Red tax officials to collect unpaid taxes deposited in Red banks – Blue America breached the Dissolution Pact by outlawing the free transit of people and currency into Red America.

  Red America was hardly blind – it saw the trends long before Blue America would admit to itself that it was headed toward disaster. Red America expected the migration and had already ensured that Blue newcomers would not be allowed to vote into effect the same liberal policies they had abandoned by requiring all aspiring citizens to serve their military obligation before being allowed a ballot. Few did, and the “Heinlein Act” succeeded by ensuring that every voting Red American citizen had “skin in the game.”

  When Blue America broke the Pact by securing the internal borders and barring its citizens’ exit, Red America acted – quietly. Within 24 hours, its forces were manning the border too, turning back every truck and train carrying food or fuel into Blue America. At the same time, every power station feeding Blue America went offline. Then Red America waited.

  It took 12 days, seven less than President Abbott’s National Security Council had estimated, before President De Blasio used the hotline to call and cave. There had been a lot of talk in the New York Times and other Blue media about surviving on “alternative power” and “utilizing green growing techniques in urban spaces” to meet the country’s energy and food needs. But it was early November, and it was cold. The grocery store shelves went bare with terrifying speed. The limousine liberals would always be warm, well-fed and safe in their gated communities, but no one else would be. The lie that was the liberal promise was there for all to see.

“ Sure, Mr. President, we can talk about going back to how it was,” President Abbott said gently. “You’ll be honoring our deal from here on, right? Good. Oh, and I’m going to need you to do one more thing for me. No, it’s nothing too big. Just an apology. By you, on live television, with no hedging, about how sorry you and your friends are for those unkind things you said over the years about us redneck, racist, Jesus freaks who feed you, fuel you and keep your sorry asses safe. Oh, I’m serious as a heart attack. Well, I’ll look forward to watching it. Good-bye now, and God bless y’all.”

 

Thanks to Kurt Schlichter and Townhall for this great article

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stinky Revenge: Couple Tricks Holiday Package Thief Into Stealing Box Of Dog Poop

 

Dog Poop Package

 

Click pic for video

” After falling victim to thieves who swiped packages off of their front porch several times, a Northeast D.C. couple decided to teach them a lesson.

  Tis the season for package thieves; many D.C.-area residents have recently caught robbers taking packages on surveillance. But for one couple, caught on camera wasn’t enough—they boxed up a stinky surprise from their two dogs.

  About 3 p.m. Friday, surveillance footage shows a man walking up and down the sidewalk in front of their home, before stealing their package and taking off. The caught-on-camera incident marked the third package taken from their yard since October. “

 

Continued

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dutch Marriage Proposal Sees Crane Smash IJsselstein House

 

 

Published on Dec 13, 2014

” A Dutchman’s plan to propose to his girlfriend has ended with a mobile crane smashing the roof of a house and forcing the evacuation of two others.

  The man had wanted to surprise his partner by descending in front of her bedroom in the town of IJsselstein to sing her a song and pop the question.

  But the unsecured crane he used instead toppled into a neighbour’s house.

  The woman still said yes, Dutch media report, and the couple are now said to be celebrating in Paris.

  Following the initial impact, more damage was done when the crane fell again during an attempt to right it.

  Residents in nearby properties were evacuated but no one was injured. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Fish Get Revenge! The Sequel — 10 More Videos

 

 

 

 

” It would be bad enough to lose a Shimano Terez rod and a Stella 10000 plus a GoPro Hero3 on, say, a bluefin tuna, but check out what gets away with the goods here. “

 

See the other videos at Sport Fishing Magazine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obama To Troops You Guys Are Like Santa In Fatigues

 

 

 

Published on Dec 15, 2014

” The president got nothing but a polite chuckle or two after comparing his audience with Saint Nick on Monday.

Obama silences military audience with ‘Santa in fatigues’ joke at New Jersey base

The president got nothing but a polite chuckle or two after comparing his audience with Saint Nick on Monday

  The president was greeted in New Jersey by U.S. Senators Robert Menendez and Cory Booker as well as Governor Chris Christie

  President Obama left a New Jersey military audience awkwardly silent Monday with an awkward Christmas joke that totally bombed.

‘ You never stop giving,’ Obama told a Fort Dix audience of military members and their families. ‘You guys are like Santa in fatigues.’

  According to Business Insider, the president managed to salvage the humorous moment with another joke comparing a cargo plane that sat nearby to Santa’s reindeer-drawn ride.

‘ Although I’ll bet one of those C-130’s is a little more efficient than Santa’s sleigh,’ he said.

  The audience reacted slightly better that time.

  Obama spoke to hundreds of the camouflage-wearing troops in a hangar at Fort Dix to thank the U.S. military for its actions around the world. In a display of bipartisan support for the troops, Obama was joined by New Jersey’s Republican Governor Chris Christie, a potential candidate to succeed Obama in 2016.

  The U.S.-led coalition in Syria and Iraq has had some successes against the Islamic State group but has yet to force a major rollback from the territorial gains the extremists made in seizing large swathes of Iraq last summer.

‘ Make no mistake. Our coalition isn’t just going to degrade this barbaric terrorist organization. We’re going to destroy it,’ Obama said.

  Obama said gains are being made. Hundreds of vehicles and tanks and more than 1,000 fighting positions have been taken out, he said.

‘ We are hammering these terrorists,’ he said.

  ‘They may think that they can chalk up some quick victories, but our reach is long. We do not give up. You threaten America, you will have no safe haven. We will find you and like petty tyrants and terrorists before you, the world is going to leave you behind and keep moving on without you, because we will get you,’ Obama said.

  Obama also said the United States is on track to end its combat mission in Afghanistan at year’s end, leaving behind a force dedicated to training Afghan security forces and carrying out counter-terrorism operations.

  Obama last month approved a slight expansion in the U.S. role in the counter-terrorism operations. There are concerns in Afghanistan, however, about increasing Taliban attacks in the capital, Kabul.

  Obama, who made ending the war in Afghanistan a priority, said challenges remain there. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can Now Make GIFs Directly From YouTube

 

 

 

 

” If you love making GIFs (and really, who doesn’t?) today is a happy day for you. YouTube has finally heeded the call of millions of users and quietly added a GIF-creator tool to some of its videos (for example, anything uploaded by the PBS Idea Channel). The share button (which previously only had share, embed, and email as options) now includes an extra feature: GIF. 

  It’s a pretty bare-bones affair: tap share, set your start and end points, add any captions if you’d like, and click “create” — YouTube will host the GIF itself. The clip can only be a maximum of 5 seconds long, which makes it somewhat of a crude tool for GIF-makers, but it will help keep file size small. The ease with which one churn out GIFs and add meme-like bottom and top text will certainly be enough for the casual user and perhaps spur on a Mememageddon the likes of which we haven’t seen since 2011. The future is now. “

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Popular Mechanics 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There Is A Reason The Slide Is Closed

 

 

 

Dog Rescues Sister From Toy Snake Attack! Cute Dogs Maymo & Penny

 

 

 

Published on Dec 2, 2014

” Dog Saves Sister from Toy Snake Attack! Cute Dogs Maymo & Penny
To use this video in a commercial player, advertising or in broadcasts, email Viral Spiral (contact@viralspiralgroup.com)

  Maymo protects his sister Penny from a toy snake invasion. Watch cute dog Penny run from an advancing motorized snake, before her brother Maymo runs in and saves the day. Maymo uses his signature ninja agility moves to take down the snake, rescuing his sister from impending doom. Penny tries to resuscitate the ailing snake but is unsuccessful.

Subscribe! http://bit.ly/VzYUvE
Maymo’s Instagram: http://goo.gl/1MrHRh
Maymo’s Facebook: http://on.fb.me/UPC8d7
Maymo’s Twitter: http://bit.ly/Wk4dxX “

 

HT/Rare

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—-

Watch Obama Hijack A Segment On Colbert Report While The Teleprompter Mocks Him

 

 

 

” The President took time out of his schedule to drop by the Colbert Report and take a satirical stab at the show’s segment ‘The Word.’ Instead of ‘the Word,’ President Obama used ‘the Decree,’ and proceeded to explain why the unpopular Obamacare law is really awesome, after all. The friendly audience was supportive; the American people, not so much. “

Kyle Becker at IJR has more

The Best Obama Joke Yet

 

 

 

 

” Did you hear about…..

> Bob: “Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?,
> Jim: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean voter fraud?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”
> Bob: “No the other one:.

> Jim: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The DOJ spying on the press?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”
> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”
> Bob: “THAT’S THE ONE!” “

 

 

     Of course the greatest joke of the Obama presidency is Obama himself , and if we couldn’t laugh these past six years would surely have been the death of us …

Thanks to Obama For Dummies & YoungCons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Politics Nation Cold Open

 

SNL Cold Open 12.6.14

 

 

 

” Reverend Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) discusses the verdict of the Eric Garner case with Peter Dinello (Bobby Moynihan), a member of the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association. “
    As a bonus we’ve thrown in the SNL cast’s “Star Wars Teaser” video to whet the whistle of all you fans out there eagerly awaiting the release of part seven of the space saga . Even if the series isn’t showing signs of age , the characters are . Enjoy .
SNL Star Wars Teaser
” In a galaxy far, far away, Han Solo (Taran Killam), Princess Leia (Bobby Moynihan) and Luke Skywalker (James Franco) face a new foe: old age.”

Inglourious Ambassadors

 

 

 

” The newly appointed U.S. ambassadors to Hungary and Argentina make up for what they lack in relevant qualifications with notable campaign fundraising skills. (4:09) “

Jodi Miller And NewsBusters Present The News

 

 

 

Published on Dec 1, 2014

” TOPICS:
– Black Friday Shoppers
– U.N. Peacekeepers
– Chuck Hagel Resigns
– Ferguson, MO
– President Obama
– Ray Rice
– Obamacare
– Colorado Marijuana
– Fastest Texter

  Love NewsBusted and want to receive alerts about new episodes in your
email? Visit http://newsbusters.org/newsbusted to sign up for free!

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Remove Your Mustache

 

Published on Dec 1, 2014

” The Movember is over and it’s time to shave, or remove the mustache any way possible!
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HT/UniLad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30,000 Bought ‘Literal Poop’ On Black Friday

 

 

 

 

 

” Popular game Cards Against Humanity pulled all products from its website for Black Friday, instead offering boxes of “literal poop” that quickly sold out.

  The protest — which follows last year’s action of raising prices on all Cards Against Humanity products on its website and Amazon for Black Friday — saw the website pull all products from its store in favor of a single available item in a box labeled “Bull [expletive].”

  The Black Friday special, which the website promised is “literal poop from an actual bull,” quickly sold out of 30,000 units, company founder Max Temkin tweeted.

” If you buy the poop expecting it to be something else that’s not poop, you’re actually buying a valuable life lesson for $6,” he tweeted.

  The card game and its expansion packs returned to the website Saturday along with a new promotion: “The Ten Days or Whatever of Kwanzaa.” The website said customers who pay $15 will receive 10 mystery gifts in the mail during the month of December. “

 

Thanks to UPI Odd News

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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