Published on Feb 3, 2015
” As a follow up to the smash hit, “There’s a Communist Living in the White House,” we have had 7 years to accumulate more information about the mysterious man who was voted into office by the uninformed masses, the deceived and those voters living off of the government who simply want “free stuff”. TV commentators keep asking, “Why is Obama releasing dangerous terrorists?” and “Why won’t he call it what it is?” Maybe because he is one of them. Maybe he is our enemy. Maybe Obama is a Muslim Jihadist. What’s the difference between a Muslim and a Jihadist? If you follow Mohammed, you follow Mohammed.
” The NSA has issued a Public Announcement today saying that everyone who owns a laptop, cell phone, smart TV, and any other modern social device with video recording, is advised to clean their camera lens regularly.
An unnamed member of the NSA has released the statement through their Twitter account adding that “It’s really not good for morale when you see a chick in her bedroom through the laptop, and the camera lens blurs the image because of a smudge or something, especially when she’s pretty hot.” The NSA Twitter account later stated that “if you are under a 5 out of 10 on the hotness scale then you can disregard the advisory.”
This is not the first very open statement the NSA has made in recent months when they released a tweet saying, “You know what? Everyone knows we’re watching, so we might as well save billions on secrecy and be blatant about it. I mean, the cat’s out of the bag and we, as a tax-powered institution, should just admit it.”
There have also been hundreds of complaints recently from all collective genders about receiving random and untraceable phone texts while at home, asking the recipients things like, “Turn around a few times” and “It’s a little warm for that sweater, don’t you think?”
When asked about the recent unprofessional attitude they officially state that “it’s 2015, so get with the times, this is the new standard of government professionalism.”
This video hits the PC nail on the head .
Published on Dec 9, 2014
” GET THIS SONG ON ITUNES http://bit.ly/progressivesanta
Send me a postcard or something :]
PO Box 49389
Austin, TX 78765
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
We wish you happy holidays, whoever you may be
So merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, or heck all three
We’ve modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie
Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team
Santa Clause is Coming to Town
You better not judge, you better not hate
Better not bully or discriminate
Progressive Santa’s coming to town
He’s making a list of gluten free foods
He won’t take a peek at J-Law’s nudes
Progressive Santa’s coming to town
He’s 50 different races
And all for tax reform
He’ll protect all your children
Well, as long as they’ve been born
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
Had an advantageous nose (he outlived his friends)
He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)
Darwin said that’s how it goes (evolution’s not a theory)
Mary Did You Know
Mary did you know that your baby boy supports the NRA
Mary did you know that your baby boy is white
Deck the Halls
Deck the halls with kujichagulia
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Give zawadi, hang benderas
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Throw your hands up in the air-uh
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
You’re a green one, Mr. Grinch
You’re lacking in finesse
That greenish epidermis determines your success
Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress
You’re an outlier, Mr. Grinch
You give the Whos a fright
They say your heart is 3/5ths normal,
You’re either wrong or white
Don’t walk the streets of Whoville you might fight a cop the Whos will not indict
I’m dreaming of a racially ambiguous holiday
Away In A Manger
Away in a manger with Jesus and crew
His schmeckle got cut cause hey Christ was a Jew
O Holy Night
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Jesus did something holy
Joseph watched golf, his leather chair reclining
As Mary birthed a child, I think a donkey was involved
Three wise men came, with GPS they found him
Christ lied in a barn, as his omniscient baby-daddy looked down
Jesus crawled on his knees
His mom shared it on snapchat
O bright device!
O night, when Christ celebrated Christmas “
Published on Oct 25, 2014
” Saturday Night Live kicked off tonight with an over-the-top mockery of President Obama‘s handling of the Ebola crisis. As the fake president explained, hey, it’t not like they handled it as badly as they did ISIS, Obamacare, or all the rest of it…In fact, as the president explained, “This whole Ebola thing is probably one of my greatest accomplishments.” He then brought on Ebola czar Ron Klain to take questions from the press and advised voters in Southern states like Louisiana and Kentucky to avoid large crowded areas like, say, polling places, for the next week or so. (Latinos in those states, however, may have an immunity.)
And just when you thought things couldn’t get more ridiculous, Al Sharpton himself took the stage to assure panicked New Yorkers that all is well… in a very Sharpton-ish manner.”
Published on Oct 17, 2014
” President Obama talks to the American public and reassures them that Ebola is not a threat and that he has the situation under his firm control. Based on an audio skit from the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show.”
Wendy Davis for Texas : She knew FDR , and Greg Abbott is no FDR …
” FORE! Score? And seven trillion rounds ago, our forecaddies brought forth on this continent a new playground, conceived by Robert Trent Jones, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal when it comes to spending as much time on the links as possible — even when it seems totally inappropriate, like moments after making a solemn statement condemning the grisly murder of a 40-year-old American journalist beheaded by ISIL.
I know reporters didn’t get a chance to ask questions, but I had to bounce. I had a 1 p.m. tee time at Vineyard Golf Club with Alonzo Mourning and a part-owner of the Boston Celtics. Hillary and I agreed when we partied with Vernon Jordan up here, hanging out with celebrities and rich folks is fun.
Now we are engaged in a great civil divide in Ferguson, which does not even have a golf course, and that’s why I had a “logistical” issue with going there. We are testing whether that community, or any community so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure when the nation’s leader wants nothing more than to sink a birdie putt.
We are met on a great field of that battle, not Augusta, not Pebble Beach, not Bethpage Black, not Burning Tree, but Farm Neck Golf Club in Martha’s Vineyard, which we can’t get enough of — me, Alonzo, Ray Allen and Marvin Nicholson, my trip director and favorite golfing partner who has played 134 rounds and counting with me. “
While we seldom find anything to recommend in Ms Dowd’s work , being the predictable progressive mouthpiece that she is , this scathing piece on the Golfer-In-Chief deserves to be read by all … you will be glad you did …
” Following a second mass shooting at Fort Hood, at least one lawmaker thinks a bill currently under consideration will ensure the safety of American communities by requiring the estimated 2.6 million unstable veterans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan to tell their neighbors of their combat service.
The Fortify & Unite Communities to Keep Veterans’ External Threats Secure Act (H.R. 1874) which was introduced on Tuesday, would require military veterans to register with the Department of Homeland Security and periodically “check-in” with a case officer, in addition to going door-to-door in their neighborhood to notify people nearby that they are a powder keg of post traumatic stress, alcoholism, murder, and hate just waiting to blow.
“ We really feel that we can drastically minimize the damage to some communities, especially those in troubled ‘PTSD hotspots‘ that have become a haven for these psychopathic troops,” said Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.), who sponsored the legislation. “We are so thankful for their service, and now they can continue to serve on veterans probation.” “
Read more here
” Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.
Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.
“ We have intercepted electronic communication indicating that al-Qaeda members are actively plotting to stay out of the way while America as we know it gradually crumbles under the weight of its own self-inflicted debt and disrepair,” FBI Deputy Director Mark F. Giuliano told the assembled press corps. “If this plan succeeds, it will leave behind a nation with a completely dysfunctional economy, collapsing infrastructure, and a catastrophic health crisis afflicting millions across the nation. We want to emphasize that this danger is very real.”
“ And unfortunately, based on information we have from intelligence assets on the ground, this plot is already well under way,” he added.”
The Onion has all the details on this nefarious plot
Published on Mar 7, 2014
” Who do you want answering the phone in the White House when a crisis arises at 3 AM?”
” Thanks to the miracles of modern technology, Dinesh D’Souza got to ask Obama a few questions this week a la Zach Galifianakis. Much like Zach’s interview with the President, things got heated when D’Souza pressed Obama on his failed healthcare system, his criticisms of D’Souza’s 2016 film, and other hot button issues.”
” We are the most hated “show” on the Internet.
We finally decided to join Live Leak because it’s cool, I guess.
———– CAST ———–
Oscar – Alexander Mostovyk
Ukrainian Rioter 1 – Kieran Fallon
Ukrainian Rioter 2 – Will Rivera
Ukrainian Rioter 3 – Jarrett Courtney
M. Night Shyamalan – Efraiem Hanna
Read more at http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ec9_1393784263#TGCC2LvXoG6Q30wv.99“
” Testifying against legislation that would decriminalize marijuana in Maryland, the Annapolis police chief cited a satirical article that claimed 37 pot deaths occurred on the first day Colorado legalized its sale.
“ The first day of legalization, that’s when Colorado experienced 37 deaths that day from overdose on marijuana,” Chief Michael Pristoop said on Tuesday as part of testimony during a Maryland Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee hearing. “I remember the first day it was decriminalized there were 37 deaths.”
Pristoop was quickly corrected by a sponsor of one of the bills, according to the Capital Gazette.
“ Unless you have some other source for this, I’m afraid I’ve got to spoil the party here,” said Sen. Jamie Raskin. “Your assertion that 37 people died of a marijuana overdose in Colorado was a hoax on the Daily Currant and the Comedy Central website.”
The Daily Currant posted the article – “Marijuana Overdoses Kill 37 in Colorado on First Day of Legalization” – on Jan. 2. It has since been shared over 24,000 times across various social media and other web platforms.”
Good Lord , we are led by idiots … this man and thousands like him are the ones we should trust to protect us ? A man of tremendous authority over the citizenry that cannot even distinguish fact from fiction ? God help us .
Read the rest … and groan